Just Another Manic Menopause Monday
I know I have been quiet in this space lately, while life has been anything but. Repairs on our house post-Hurricane Helene (over 6 months ago) are finally underway. The rain is falling as I prepare to hit “publish” on this newsletter. I can smile as it rains today since our roof is finally closed up, and I don’t see any water dripping inside our house. Thank you, Jesus! Maybe this summer we will have our deck rebuilt, and the disrepair I stare at every day can slowly fade into my memory.
Bear with me as I reboot my brain and summarize what’s been swirling around my head lately. If you have a midlife brain, you know this swirl and fog and….pause….pause….pause………………… But here goes…..I hope you find it helpful.
Almost a year ago, I finished The New Menopause book on a long drive home from visiting my sons at college. I found my notes recently in my post-Hurricane Helene decluttering, and as I started my first day of bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Now that’s something I never thought I’d be doing...or sharing about.
In a nutshell, that is midlife for me so far. I’m trying to embrace the freedom that comes from changing my mind about many things, and staying open to what’s right for me in this new season.
Dr. Mary Claire Haver’s book, The New Menopause, is one I think all women staring down that clock (or already firmly in that camp) should read. It is research-based, but easy to understand for non-science women like me. Much of the book reinforced what I learned in my own deep dive in and out of the menopause mess. For the past 12 years, I’ve been seeking holistic support for symptoms, listening to podcasts, reading books, and finding articles to help educate myself on hormones in midlife. It’s been a journey.
I am continually surprised, however, by how many women are still in the dark about this often chaotic hormonal season. These hormones impact every area of a woman’s health. “Estrogen isn’t just a pretty hormone that’s key to reproductive capabilities; it’s responsible for so much more. There are estrogen receptors throughout almost every organ system in your body, and as your levels drop, these cells begin to lose their ability to assist in maintaining your health in other areas, including your heart, cognitive function, bone-integrity, and blood sugar balance.”1
Beyond these major health areas impacted by flatlined estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, there is a growing list of other symptoms, most of which you’d never connect with hormones. And most doctors are not having supportive conversations with women about these widely varied symptoms during this transitional stage of life and the years leading up to it.
My 5-years of tamoxifen (an estrogen blocker given post early-stage breast cancer and mastectomy) acquainted me with sudden menopause symptoms at the age of 39. It’s what sent me down the crunchy rabbit hole to avoid the new medicines they wanted to give me for each new symptom I had.
After 5 years on tamoxifen, I was dumped back into the chaos of natural perimenopause. A new phrase on the market, but a not new phase of life.
Last April, I celebrated that monumental day of menopause (the one day that marks the year since your last period) before beginning to acquaint myself with my new post-menopausal life and body.
This post menopausal era is a long one. It will last the rest of my life. I don’t know about you, but I want a long health span to accompany a long life span. I can’t control everything in this postmenopausal era. But if I understand this time of life better, then I can control what I can control as I try to be a good steward of my ever-changing body, mind, and soul.
I appreciated that The New Menopause avoided the New Age “woo woo” that is in other menopause books. It also didn’t include the suggestion to just “throw-your-husband-out,” in the menopause bathwaters, which can be found in other midlife books. Goodness!
If you’re new to reading about these churning perimenopause/menopause waters, your eyes may be opened to the why behind some of what you’re experiencing. Dr. Haver highlights the vast (and often weird) symptoms that may impact a woman’s life at this stage - symptoms I never would have associated with menopause before my deep dive years ago (itchy ears anyone?!?!?!). We all know about hot flashes and the dreaded menopause belly and mood swings - but dry eyes and crawling skin, muscle loss and triglyceride issues, frozen shoulder and major anxiety, dental trouble and brain fog - to name just a few. What in the world?!?!
We deserve more understanding from our medical providers than just the dismissive comments, “that’s just the way life is now” or “welcome to your 50s” with a wink and a co-pay. Unfortunately, many of our doctors received almost as little menopause training as we have. So we must advocate for ourselves and find providers who will listen to us and support us through the changes and challenges of this new stage of life. Self-advocacy and self-education are not optional at this stage of life ladies if we want to age healthy, gracefully and strong.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t remind you that there are effective natural support tools for many of the symptoms women experience. Dr. Haver includes an extensive “Tool-Kit” in this book. Maybe some would be new and helpful to you.
The most current HRT research shared in this book updates the often quoted but misdirected Women’s Health Initiative information. Unfortunately, this WHI info is still touted by so many doctors as the definitive word on hormones during peri/post menopause.
We must become more informed patients if we want the best health trajectory in these after-50 years. We can’t stick our heads in the sand on these important hormonal issues if we expect better outcomes for ourselves, our sisters, friends, daughters, nieces and granddaughters.
Something Missing…
When I finished reading The New Menopause, I was left feeling like something important was missing.
It leaves out the spiritual aspect of our changing bodies and changing lives during this transitional period. I’ve searched for a good Catholic book that fills in this gap well. I’ve yet to find one.
Is there not an extension of the Theology of the Body work for us midlife women? Pope John Paul II had a lot to say about the gift of the Feminine Genius, and I know that gift doesn’t end as our hormones plummet. Maybe that’s a book idea for my folder.
As God would orchestrate, the same week I was back to pondering some of this, one of the Catholic coaching groups I participate in began a series on Midlife and the gift of aging. I’ll share more once I work through the readings and ponder some of it myself.
As much as I love the new focus on menopause that we are seeing on Social Media (or is it just the algorithm on my feed?), and the often forgotten perimenopausal season, I can’t help but be bothered by the tone of some of this conversation. There is the yelling - the blaming of the patriarchy - the fed-up anger - the oversharing. I get it, to an extent. This area of women’s health has been so overlooked and mismanaged. Many of our own relatives and friends suffered needlessly during peri/post menopause due to poor medical advice.
I think there is more to the story with some of the anger in this growing public conversation surrounding menopause. For one, it leaves God out of the conversation. Or, if He’s brought in, it’s because how could a God plan menopause to be like this?!?! Some of those shouting the loudest have very different beliefs than I do about reproductive healthcare. I think that seeps into some of this tone in the post-reproductive years.
As a Catholic woman, I know there is much more to this season of life than just the physical and emotional fallout. There is a spiritual side that we must also discuss as well if we want true holistic health.
Ladies, we can embrace this season strong and yet softer. We can get to know ourselves in a new and deeper way. We can permit ourselves to make changes in our lives that allow us to be who God is calling us to be in this new season. We can set the world on fire, as St. Catherine of Siena reminds us.
I don’t know all the answers. Heck, I am just grasping at straws some days to understand why my own once productive, clear-headed self is so muddled. But I know I’m not alone in this. I don’t want you to feel you are alone either.
If you know of any other great resources for midlife from a Catholic/Christian spiritual lens (that isn’t roll your eyes condescending or dismissive), please share!
Speaking of Midlife & Menopause…..who wants to talk about Marriage at Midlife?!?!?!
Let’s be honest and admit that menopause can be extremely challenging to a marriage relationship. Especially if the couple doesn’t understand the woman’s symptoms and is not communicating about them. And those symptoms, well they make calmly and rationally communicating about them extremely difficult if not impossible at times.
I have to share a recent saint story that made me wonder. Maybe these challenges date back way before our modern-day lives.
March 21st was the feast day of St. Nicholas of Flue. He lived in the 1400s. As I sat in my prayer chair that morning and read about his life, I laughed out loud when I got to this.
“After 25 years of marriage, upon discerning a special call from God, and with the consent of his wife, he went to live in a nearby valley as a hermit. He built a dwelling out of branches and left it only for daily Mass.”2
I mean y’all - married in their mid-20s and married for 25 years. And they had 10 children! They were in midlife! The story that they both agreed for him to go live in a cave…as a hermit…anyone else see the humor in this? Or is it just me??? Haha. Maybe I’m reading into this story with modern eyes. Or maybe, just maybe, these menopausal changes that bring innate relationship challenges along with them are nothing new. Not that I’m recommending anyone send their husbands to live as hermits. That’s not the answer…haha.
I’m now super curious to read more about St. Nicholas’ wife. And I’m also wondering if there’s a patron saint for menopause.
Marriage at midlife comes with its own changes and challenges. But again, with eyes of faith, maybe we can step into a softer stage of marriage. A bit blunter possibly (I mean - has the gentle filter disappeared for anyone else).
We have a choice. We can shut down in our relationship or we can embrace this menopausal messiness as an invitation to grow in our marriage in new ways TOGETHER. We can lean into a deeper and richer love in this time. At least that is what I’m trying to embrace. It isn’t always easy. The emotional roller coaster I’m finding in this transition is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I love a good roller coaster ride- but my nervous system (or my husband I’m sure) doesn’t appreciate my emotional life resembling that.
What about you? Know any good books on marriage at midlife?
Since I’m such a book girl and a holistic health nerd, I wanted to share links to a few of my other favorite hormonal books to have on your shelf. As with any book, always take what’s helpful and leave the rest.
The Hormone Repair Manual - I highly, highly recommend this one for women 40 and over. I read this one about 5 or 6 years ago and wish I had read it even sooner.
The Period Repair Manual - I highly recommend this one for women under 40, or any woman who has a teen/young adult daughter. I would have made different choices in my hormone journey if I had understood this when I was 17.
If you read this far, bless you. Now, you may need something to lighten your mood. I invite you to laugh at me as I share my manic menopause moment from last Friday.
I was trying to be nice, which is not always my strongest suit since my hormones flatlined.
I mixed up the overnight crock pot grits for my husband to bring to work. I went to bed, happy to have helped. Then on Friday morning, I came downstairs to this…..
I howled with laughter. “Unfortunately, it wasn’t plugged in” - I mean….really?!?! Haha….and that laughter, which would not have been my response just a few months ago, was itself a gift, a reminder that the heaviness and chaos in this season don’t have to last.
Joy can come in the morning. And laughter can be brought to you courtesy of the sanity-restoring bioavailable HRT.
Grace and laughter for ourselves and with each other can help us navigate this fun new stage of life, ladies.
Have an awesome week ahead! And if you have midlife resources you’ve found helpful, send them my way.
Be Well,
Shauna
1 The New Menopause, by Dr. Mary Claire Haver, pg. 4.
