My sister and I spent some of our downtime during college watching the emotionally charged LifeTime movies. Back in the 90s, there seemed to be numerous movies about surrogacy and IVF. We agreed, sitting on our coral-carpeted bedroom floor, that we would be surrogates for each other if we ever found ourselves not being able to conceive.

But we couldn’t really even imagine that. We had 9 children in our family and we were convinced that our challenge would be limiting the size of our families one day. My mom walked in as we were watching one of these movies and casually told us, “You know, that is against Church teaching.”

Our young adult selves were appalled. How could something good, like creating a family, be against Church teaching? How could the Church be so cruel that it wouldn’t allow something like IVF or surrogacy when there was no other way a woman could have a baby?

That just didn’t make any sense.

My eyes scan the familiar open interstate and then turn to the young man driving me. I quickly turn back to the road so he doesn’t see my glistening eyes.

Ebenezer stone I think as my heart skips.

A softening happens in this transition

Right in my body’s middle

Seems appropriate here at midlife

This softening is spoken of with angst

I’ll admit, I’ve hurled words of frustration

At this gift of a body

My softness doesn’t speak to years of bearing life within

It speaks of all the years ahead where that hope is forever gone

It speaks of 365 days since...